The New Meaning of Hope
by SojournersRoadHome
Summary: The world is not the only thing that we must face, but the eternal struggles of hopelessness. As Joel goes out to help the Jacksonville civilization, he will face trials that people with a weak heart, end up giving up the fight. Testing of Bonds, testing of faith, and testing of the human spirit.


_**Chapter 1: Hope is left behind**_

The soft, warm air of the summer ruffled his aging hair, as the sun rained down the warm rays of life, onto what was left of this world. The sunlight, just barely covering his worn out work boots, caused the exposed steel toe to shine back at him. He kind of gave an amused grunt from the condition of his shoes, _'not too bad for a pair of cheap boots'_ He thought to himself, _'thought for sure they wouldn't last 4 months on the job. However they seem to be holding up pretty darn good for 20 plus years.'_ He let out a light chuckle, _'I should write to the company'_.

Life was a bit different now, since he started living in the small, make-shift, Jacksonville town. It was nothing like the "concentration camps" the government set up around the country, you didn't have death constantly breathing down your neck whether it was the infected, or by the people…

No, not here, this place was, in his opinion, the closest to normal you will get. Movie night, a school for the kids, even a little chapel for Sunday mornings, they had little clubs and afternoon activities to be proactive in this place. What Joel missed the most though, was just kicking back, resting under an old oak tree, and watch the sun move without a care in the world.

He didn't feel like a soldier, a murderer, a thief, the enemy, a sadistic interrogator, or even an outlaw. Here, he felt human. He felt like laughter wasn't a sarcastic act anymore, that getting emotionally moved by something wasn't a sign of defeat, and that caring wasn't a sign of weakness.

His soft brown eyes caught her red hair from a distance; his lips tugged a crooked smile. Caring was not a sign of weakness at all.

What a wondrous sight it was, to see the apocalyptic girl, who was raised in the darkest of days, now smiling and laughing with a group of kids about her age. He knew it must be perfect for her, because to him, seeing her happy was perfect for him. That crooked smile kind of sank a little as the teenager walked out of view, he was glad that she was happy, he was glad that she can finally just be a kid, he was glad that she hang out with other kids, but there were times where it was a little bit lonely from his point of view.

He adjusted his position, causing him to lie all the way down on his back, looking up at the sunlight in the tree. The big leaves rustled with one another as the wind flowed through them. The sound was almost like gentle white noise, lulling him to rest. His eyes slowly closed, as he took in a deep breath of the summer's breeze, letting out a sigh, _'a bit lonely, indeed'_ he thought.

' "_Daddy, what do you see?" the little blonde snuggled up into his embrace._

"_Uh… clouds?"_ _he looked down at his little girl with a soft smile._

_Her high pitched voice giggled, making the father smile, "No! What do you see IN the clouds?" She pointed up at the sky with her chipping, nail polished fingers. "I see a Bunny!"_

_He looked up at the sky, trying to trace her finger up at the cloud with no success, "Oh yes! That's a cute bunny." He said, completely clueless as too what she was seeing._

"_Oh look Daddy a flower!" her high pitched voice squeaked with excitement._

"_I see an Angel"_

"_Really? Where?" Her eyes started searching a crossed the sky._

"_Right… Here." He squeezed his little girl in his arms, kissing her cheek affectionately. "You're my Angel, Baby Girl."_

_She giggled at her daddy's kisses, "No! I'm not an Angel, I'm just Sarah!"_

"_Okay Just Sarah." _

"_No! Daddy! JUST Sarah!" She gave a playful stern look._

"_That's what I said, Just Sarah." _

"_Daddy, You are being silly." She looked at him smiling, laughing as she went to –'_

He jumped awake when something touched his chest.

"Good, you're alive."

He blinked a few times, as he sat up rubbing his chest, "Keep that up and you won't be."

The man chuckled, "You always have a way of rolling in the welcome wagon." He reached his hand down towards him as Joel took the help back up on his feet. "I didn't expect you to be out here alone." He commented softly, "Thought for sure you would be with the others down at the barbeque."

"Not this time," Joel sighed, "Just wanted to have a little siesta of my own."

"Well Brother, I got a bit of a favor to ask of you." Tommy's hair blew in the breeze, showing his face.

"Alright, shoot."

"There was suppose to be a group coming over this way to bring a couple of parts that we need, but we just caught word that they ended up bolting, leaving the supplies about 5 miles out east, right by the operations headquarters building."

Joel cocked a brow, "bolting from what?"

The younger brother gave a weak shrug, "Who knows now and days."

The more experienced one crossed his arms in deep thought, uncertainty came a crossed his face as he looked at Tommy with a hard look. "How many where in the group…?"

"A handful or so"

"So as far as we know, they could have been ambushed by a group of thugs, beaten, killed, eaten, and other unspeakable things that God knows what else happened…. And you have this bright idea of sending me." He was disgusted at the poorly planned idea, " That's got to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. Ever heard about 'thinking things through' Tommy? We can't risk another screw up."

"_another _ screw up? If I reckon, you were the one who had the bright idea to go right into the heart of the ambush back in Tulsa!" Tommy jabbed his index finger right into the hardest part of Joel's tense chest. "You didn't seem to have a problem risking everyone's lives that day!"

Joel smacked his brother's hand away from touching him, "What are you talking about, I was the one that kept everyone together. Everyone got away in one piece."

"Yeah, that was because we got lucky, and If I had not risked my neck for those people-"

Joel got right in his face as the brothers bloods started to boil from the heat of their past. Their noses almost touched, as both had a hand balled into a fist, prepared to start a fight if one showed it's ugly head. "You know damn well that you were a coward that day." Joel snarled, "You were the one that ran away, and had to do this your way, because you always have to be the pissy little brother. YOU were the reason why we risked our hides in the first place!"

There they were, after so many years of trial and hardship, the brothers stood there, facing their broken bond, facing their broken selves. So many things untold from their eyes, as their pain was masked behind their scars and calluses. Once were strong together, chaos drove them apart. Brothers stood as if they were two strangers, pushing each other until one of them snaps in a fit of rage.

Both of them lowered their shoulders as the tension started melting away. It was as if they were starting to see the problems that they have for the first time.

"fine…" Joel breathed. "where do I need to go to get the stuff?"

Tommy examined him as he took a moment to regain his senses. "You just need to go to the Plant, and go east." His face became a little puzzled, "You can say no."

Joel shook his head, "You came to me, I'll just go and get it done before it becomes a fuss." Joel cracked his neck, loosening up his stiff body, "It's about time I got up and get stuff done anyway."

"know the feeling, brother," Tommy gave a very weak chuckle, "Just let me grab my gear and I'll join you."

Joel raised his hand up, "I think it's best that I go alone. Just in case there is an ambush, It'll be easier for me to run out then to have a group."

Tommy went to protest, but swallowed his pride, "You better show up tonight, don't make me regret this." He poked his finger into his older brother's chest.

"Everything will be fine." He simply stated, "Just go on home, and I'll take care of this."

His little brother, getting wiser with his years, gave a simple nod, a pat on the shoulder, and a turning of ways.

Joel felt his thoughts start to dip down in a darker spiral, _'If I die, it was just my time…'_ Depression whispered in his ear, _'No one will worry about you anyway, your own brother doesn't seems to care more about his pride and ego then the life of his brother….'_

He hated depression. He hated getting low like this. His mind tries to convince his heart that life just wasn't worth living anymore. Before the world started falling apart, it was easier to push aside the temptations and feelings. There were times, he could remember, when mortgage and bills and even times of not having a wife would stir up that depression fog. It just seemed so much easier when there was a way of escape, a way to get away from worry and strife by just getting in the car with your daughter and driving off to someplace. But now, there was no place to escape from this world. And every day it seems to get harder and harder to find a reason why it is important to stay around, harder to find a purpose to living, to find some sort of good in a damned world.

'_Can't you see that you are becoming more and more of a burden to these innocent people?'_

He shook his head back and forth, trying to shake those thoughts from his mind. "Get a hold of yourself, Joel." He whispered to himself.

'_See? You are already starting to lose it. You are going to end up like Bill if you keep talking to yourself like that… or even Frank.'_

Joel clenched his hand up in a fist, as he lowly growled from the frustration of those stupid thoughts. Why can't they just leave him alone? Give him some sort of peace….

He found himself near his current living quarters, as he just swing by the place to get his pack. He must have been too distracted with the confliction of thoughts and feelings to even pay attention to his surroundings. It was like before his mind could even register details of the walk or even his home for that matter, he had on his pack and ammunition and was already heading out the door. He had noticed that he has been doing that for a while now, maybe it was because his mind was trying to block out his surroundings, maybe he was getting old, he didn't know. He kind of looked up in thought, what the heck did his place look like anyway? Not… like it really mattered. It wasn't like people really cared now and days on how the place looked, it was more like what was inside the place that was essential.

… Curiosity was bugging him… He should know at least something about his own living quarters by now. Two floors, bed, blankets, some extra clothes, working bathroom... Oh what a blessing a working bathroom was…. Couple of couches, desks, chairs, table, stove, and fridge... actually the fridge didn't work, there was some random stuff in it, mainly books and pictures….

He gave off a grunt from his not really specific list of his place. It seems as though the value of life didn't really matter anymore. It was just about getting by.

His eyes looked up to his surroundings as he noticed he was nearing the plant, the vibrations from the turbines were starting to roll up his leg. It was rather odd as too how powerful those termers were. Then again, Tommy did explain that it needed parts…

"Hey can you feel-?" He spoke over his shoulder.

He felt his body start to sink slowly, his shoulder dropping from the loneliness he suddenly felt. He wasn't… use to working by himself. He always had someone by his side…

'_better get used to it,' _Depression spoke in his mind, _'it's just a matter of time before everyone will forget that you even exist'_

… but…

'_even the ones most closest to your heart, will end up turning away…'_

Joel's eyes quivered back and forth at the site of the town from where he stood…. "Ellie…" He breathed…

'_she has to grow up sometime….'_

He swallowed hard, as the heaviness in his chest grew…. "I know…" he sighed…. "I just wanted to have spent a little more time with you before we parted ways….."

…. It seemed as though it was harder and harder as the days go by, to find that something in this world to hold on too….


End file.
